Where I've Been

I think these are the only states I've been to:




create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Pain in My Ass the Size of the Mighty Mississippi!

I am pissed right now. . . my stomach is hurting. The dog is about to start yelping and you know what, I don't give a fuck. I've had about 8 hours of sleep in the past 3 days and I am wondering why my frickin' friends don't send shouts out on my doodle-board on mangochan.

I found out this is what mythical creature I am. I think I am just going to look for personality tests for the rest of the night. . .well at least for 30 minutes until Adult Swim comes on:

You're like a Dark Unicorn!


?? Which Mythical Creature Are You ??
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Which demon or angel am I?

Peace


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
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This is what horror movie I am. . . unsettling:


You're living the movie 28 days later!


?? Which Horror Movie Are You Living ??
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Natural Wonder or Disaster:


Earthquake


?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
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Where is my passion for God now? I feel spent. I am sooo tired and sooo frustrated. Why? I hate it. I am sad. I want to cry. I want to cry so bad but I won't let myself.

Ernest the Howler Monkey

After attempting to sleep with Ernest in the bed, I discovered that I am way too tense for that. The thought of me smushing him or him getting up and peeing in the bed kept me awake ALL night. Finally Jack finds me a box to keep him in and he whines but Jack tells him no so he stops. I sleep about 2 hours, get up, feed him - which entails warming up puppy milk via the stove just like a bottle because you can't microwave it and pouring it over puppy food. So on my 2 hours I am walking like a Zombie. That makes a total of 6 hours of sleep I had between 2 days. Anyway, I feed him and bring him out to crap and then take him to bed with me. I go back to sleep then later on I leave him out there because Molly said they would watch him and I come sleep. Then he is whining. I am like FINE! I'll get up. But I can't be mad at him. He is just doing puppy things. He twitches when he dreams. I wonder, since he is the runt of the group, if he is having puppy nightmares about not getting enough food or being ripped from his mommie.

Oh well, he thinks I'm his mommie now. I gotta do right by this dog. I can't get afraid of it or sick of it. I am soooooo damn tired. Anyway, I've been doing BlogExplosion for my other site and that shizznit really works. While I have no idea how many people have accessed 13and2. . . today alone when I first got on it said I'd had 141 visitors. That is cool by me! I think somehow I seek noteriety. . .and the ability to spell that word.

Anyway, Ernest is sleeping. He sleeps and will eat for a few seconds and then wants to sleep again. No even eating a whole lot. They say this type of dog. . .bulldogs need a lot of sleep because of their deveolpement. I think it's funny how there are soooo many different types of dogs. How does one go about creating a breed. . . some people have done it. . . like the rotweiller or however you spell it. I am too tired to spell check.

I have been playing my new favorite song "Inner Universe" from the Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex soundtrack. It comes on saturday nights on Adult Swim - cartoon network. I downloaded it from All of MP3. They have everything there. And I got that song for 23 cents!

You know I have figured out something and I think this might relate to a lot of things in life. When I watch TV I love cartoons . . .but not all. . .and definitely not the ones that are all CGI. I want to like Anime but I can't. . . I figured out the reason. I mean I love Anime but when it comes on I can't give my attention to it like say, spongebob. I don't know if this is mental or it has to do with my eyes but I prefer simplistic things. Probably why I don't watch regular TV all that much either. It's funny. But hwne I draw I tend to be more on the simple side too. I have just been trying to add more detail and that is a REALLY hard thing for me. I keep smushing Ernest's nose when I type because he likes to get right under me and chew on the side of my laptop. . .he is going to find out real soon. . . my laptop is more important than a dog LOL. My neck is killing me and I haven't eatten anything all day and it's now 6:30 pm. I took 1 bite of jack's peanut butter sandwich just to mess with him.

Well, Ernest calls now. Later.

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE. . .

(That is a quote from the professor on futurama. If you don't watch it, every show starts with him saying "Good news everyone". . . but it almost always turns out to be 'bad news' for everyone. Let's hope that this news won't be bad news.

My sleeping habits lead me to be sleeping around 3:00 pm when Jack came home. Wow, sleeping in the day time is so muc more refreshing but you get tired way more fast. Anyway, I had locked the door as to not be disturbed by intruders. I was paranoid all day. So Jack has to knock on the door. He comes in and I can't see what's in his hand but he tells me he has a present for me. When he shows me. . . it's a half bull-dog half springer. He is the cutest thing. I know I am afraid of dogs but this dog loves me. He hardly wants me to put him down but I finally got him to lay down on the bed in the spot I had been laying on. He is precious: Mostly white body with little tiny black spots going down his back. Black head with a white stripe down the middle . . .just like skipper, tiny little ears :) I love him.

He's stretching now. . .how cute. Well I need to name him. I am thinking I am going to name him Ernest after my great-grandfather on my mother's side. I could call him Ernie for short. Anyway, if you have any better ideas please enlighten in the comments. I was thinking about all my interests, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Bible (haha, I listed that as an interest) and none of them seems to be a good fit when I look at him. Ernest is a good one but I am open to ideas. . . if not solely for the humor. When I get a camera, I will surely get some pictures of him up. No camera now . . . hope the description was enough. He is just weened and about the size of a beany baby. . . you know those bears.

He has been sleeping since he came. He is probably hungry though. Jack went to get him some food. Of course Molly doesn't like him. But that's okay, I love him!

I have to tell you this moment is mad more special by the events that preceeded it. This morning. . .when I was just going to bed I got up first to eat some oatmeal. So Jack has to go to the flea market on the weekends because he sharpens knives up there. Well when I am up there he mentions that a huge black dog is out there. I have to go look and it is huge. Thin but huge.

So I yell at him to shoo him off and Jack says that's a bad idea because now he knows I am afraid. Well I am tired and now I am really afraid. My mechanisms kick him. When he asks me to drive him to work I am nervous but I don't say anything. As soon as I leave the house door I start crying. I can't stop crying. I rush to the car after an episode of barely being able to get off the porch and jump in the car. I cry the whole time because I feel bad and I feel like I am in shock. I was SHAKING terribly. Jack gets frustrated at me and says he shouldn't have asked me to do it. . . takes me back home. I freak out until I am safely back in the room and I am able to calm down. Then I ask myself. . .what the fuck was that about?

So now I am alright. Everyone make sure to check out my new ezine Mango-Chan!! Urusai!!

Whatever: Brain Parasites, It Could Happen To You!

You guys should read this article on the new Mango-Chan ezine:Whatever: Brain Parasites, It Could Happen To You!

You won't be sorry. Everyone should get checked out for parasites, brain or otherwise. Some of the pictures are disgusting though.

Turning Their Backs

This is still funny to me. I am dying. I was looking at pictures on it. I mean sure . . . fuckin' parasites. Sure it's a statement but it's not like it helps anything really. And it's a kinda weird statement. . . frickin' Klingon ritual that is. I swear my head feels like stuff is eating my brains!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Wasn't Aware. . .

I wasn't aware of this whole 'Blogshares' thingy. So I come to find out my blog is worth some real fake money in the virtual world LOL. I've been going around looking at templates and I came across theHeretic's Shares.

I've been online for 6 hrs, 10 minutes, and 43. . . no 48 seconds.

Why??? You want to hear something funny??? It's 6:10am. I don't know why but for the past week or so I have been staying up until about 7 in the morning then sleeping until like 2pm. This is a pratice that makes me want to laugh right now but I get to watch Adult Swim. . . twice and then all these early morning kid cartoons as well. I am not really into those and some of the adult swim I am not either. Although I like to draw Manga . . . I never was really into Anime eventhough I wanted to be just because it was the POP culture. But I am finding some that I really do like nowadays. . . like Big 'O', Milk-Chan, and Wolf's Rain.

I am hungry again, another danger of sleeping the way I do. Went to see the therapist today. Isn't it funny that therapist has 'rapist' in it's name? Well I didn't get raped anyway. I'm hardly having to pay anything for it either. The guy thought I was being kinda funny because he asked me if I wanted to continue counseling and I said I didn't want to just being paying for him to be my friend. . . a friend ho LOL. I am bored these days to no end. Getting out of the house puts me on top of the world. I laugh and smile and talk and act crazy. . . my favorite place to be: Walmart.

At home I play the Sims or draw. . . writing also. . . that's what I should be doing but I put it off. For some reason.

Tonight I started thinking I might have brain parasites. I mean it's altogether possible. I poked myself in the eardrum with a q-tip accidentally and I might be having problems from that. That scared the shit out of me. I stood there and just screamed from the thought of it.

The wind keeps blowing crazy outside for like 5 seconds and then it stops. Supposed to rain today. I am afraid of weather because it's frickin' scary. . . don't want any tsunamis over here. That was an amazing event. I can't believe how many people perished in it. I think it's hard to say how many people were 'killed'. I mean then it's weird. Nothing but a thought though.

I have to pee but I am also too lazy to get out of bed. I suck.

Seems like everyone is wrapped up in politics these days because of Bush. I am so bored with it. I mean what are you gonna do. The guy has got his mind set and sure he might be bringing along the apocolypse and sure I don't feel as good about that as I did a week ago, but what are you gonna do?

I was gonna watch the presidential parade when these people were supposed to turn their backs as Bush's motorcade rolled by. What is the point of that? I mean really? It seems kinda crazy to me. It's like, you are stuck with the guy. . . dang it's light outside now. You are stuck with the guy for 4 more years. What can you do to change it. You can try to stop fussin' and do something about it if it really bothers you, otherwise shut up about it. I think I might have those brain parasites :( I don't feel so good. Better go empty my bladder to rule out that possibility.

The Lives of My Sims

Well here are some photos of a party at Vera and Penelope's house. As you can see things got a little bit wild but I can't even show you the censored photos until I censor them with photoshop.


Things look cool at this pool party.


Who hired this guy?


Granny got a little wild but these are the softcore photos LOL.

Double Post but. . .

I posted this on Adinasi, but for some reason I felt I should post it on here too because it was personal.

Last night I had a dream and lets just say that I have had recurring dreams. . . not really recurring of the same exact dream like Harry Potter in book 5 but rather recurring themes. Some of this is going to seem weird but don't make any sick jokes please.

So my dream anyway:

So it starts out that I am at home at 1665 (you know) and everythin is all arranged differently but I know it's that place because I know that mi familia sin mi padre is there. Anyway, I am in bed with someone and I come to the realization that it is time to go back to work. I was on a break. Someone yells upstairs that one of my students, the blacksican is coming up to tell me Ms. Moss is waiting on me. I am rushing to get dressed but I throw on some shorts that have been cut off from jeans and a tee shirt knowing that it is a bad idea. I look at the little video screen I have in my room showing the outdoors but all I can see is a little fluffy dog running around the yard. So I hear this student come and I say before he gets there 'Tell Ms. Moss I'm coming.' So I finish getting dressed and run downstairs.

When I get outside there is a rustic style porch set up. There are all kinds of things hanging on tweed ropes. . . mostly some type of beef jerky. There is also stuff that doesn't really look like candy but some how I know it is candy. I am surveying these things wanting to buy some of it. A blonde girl comes up and starts taking some of the things down and says they are not for sale. I tell her that my friend said that they were and the person I called my friend shows up but I don't recognize her from anywhere. Anyway she tells me the things are on sale and argues with the girl for a moment. Then the girl turns around and says 'ok you can buy them. the candy is 65 dollars and the beef jerky is 75.' I laugh and walk off thinking that it is ridiculous.

So I cross the street to the Bay. I walk out and end up past the gate. But I didn't come through the gate, I came from the door that was the El Sin Blueberries' door. I walk out past the water fountain and R walks out and says, 'I see why all the guys like you. You have gorgeous legs. You should really change clothes.' Then I say, 'Oh, they are that short, they were just riding up and I adjust them.' (I know weird).

Anyway, I walk through the family room and a group is having a Bible study and they are talking about a slave girl named Hurrem and I recognize her from The Sultan's Harem that I was reading (she is not in the Bible) and I make a note of it. When I walk out where the basketball court should be I enter a place that looks like some sort of market place in the middle east, maybe Cairo. But the BPS buildings are still there. K is sitting outside with S in her arms and a few girls standing around. I am walking into the door where my class is supposed to be and before I walk all the way in I show K the book the Sultan's Harem and tell her it is about that girl that they were talking about in the Bible study. So she asks me to watch S for her and I do it. I take him in the room which looks more like a library and I try to entertain S because I don't want to let K down. I am making loud noises and showing him things when R walks in and says, 'You really know what they meant by keeping him busy' and then he disappears.

All of a sudden I am in a place that looks like my old step grandmother's place (from my step dad) but there are iMacs on the table where it seems someone had gotten these comps from the bay. I read the large print on the screens but right now I can't remember what they said. Somehow I am chatting with Y1516 and also K online with my laptop. Y1516 says he is talking to R so we don't talk anymore and K is talking to me like regular but then she stops for a while. Then she comes back on and calls me a hypocrite and all other kinds of things that I can't really remember and I am hurt. I can't say anything. Then I am seeing a birds eye view of K and she is holding a baby that looks more like a boy. They are both in the bathtub fully dressed.

Then I am riding my bike going somewhere. I don't know where but I am anxious to get there. I am over in that part of woodbury where we were looking at that house and thinking about moving to but my credit was too bad (I am still sorry about that beckers - btw, you need a top secret nick!). Right there there was a huge house though, very pretty and my bike stops working. My dad shows up with an old fashioned station wagon/rover. He takes my bike and leaves me standing there. Then I wake up.

What that means I couldn't tell you. I can say I wasn't online or thinking about R or K. . . but for some reason I am clinging to something and detesting it at the same time. It is the misery of a complicated existence.

Is Anyone Out There?

Well I have been trying to track down a free dialup ISP. I know I know nothing out there is free. But in my case I definitely hope some of the things I tracked down do work. My AOL is probably gonna be gone pretty damned soon. I can't string them along much longer.

I came across two possibilities. They get real unlimited long distance here so I am trying these:

NoCharge - this connected to a New England number and worked fine. A little slow and some pages didn't load at all . . . not surprizingly blogger. Probably what I will be trying to use. It is really free though. Couldn't find any loopholes or whatever you call it. The settings are simple. Everyone using the same username/pass.

Metconnect - this is a NYC ISP. I tried connecting to it but it said it was busy and there is only one ISP number so therefore you are SOL. To sign up for this one was pretty damned funny. I put in the username and password I wanted and clicked signup and it said I had signed up. . .the same thing happened though when I clicked the button without putting anything in.

I wish I could find a way to squeeze out some free AOL but hopefully I will be able to get it back soon after they cancel it. Whoa is me.

Bored. It's 2:04am. Went to bed around 4:30 or 5:00 last night - or I should say this morning.

Should be writing but I definitely need my internet connection to stay sane in this world.

An SNL from the 70s just came on. Chevy Chase is on it. I might watch it. I was thinking about finding some cartoons or something though. Who knows. The morning is still young LOL. Jack is asleep. He has to work tomorrow. I am going to try to connect with NoCharge and post.

Strugglin' Through. . .

Well I have been struggling through everything. Struggling through making realtionships work. . . struggling through not killing myself with all this bad food. . . struggling through thoughts about my future. . . struggling through trying to learn Spanish (or I should say more Spanish). . . struggling through wishing it was Japanese I was learning. . . struggling through writing my story. . . I am just tired.

I was just thinking about applying to a job at Walmart soon. . . but I was reading on AOL that some girl that worked there got stalked and killed. . . it was in Texas though. I am bored and that makes it hard to write. I want to write. I feel like the stuff I am writing though is crap :(

Toonami sucks. I wish Adult Swim was on. It makes me want to draw though. . . you know Anime.

I have been thinking about what I am going to do for school. I can't finish. I have not even enough money to take ONE class. I don't even really know what I would do when I got there either. I had thought about pursuing art hardcore.

I was supposed to be studying bartending but I have no way to get to a job and no desire to do that. It is interesting but bars out here would be full of rednecks instead of ravers. That's what I was looking at in Cali.

I think this TV show "Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi" is the most interestingly named show though I have never seen more than 2 minutes of an episode. I think they are two muscians in real life that are cartoons.

I am bored. If I sit down and think about my story some more I will probably become interested in writing. Who knows. I am bored. Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi.

Spiritual Words from Helen

This is a note Jack's mother wrote to me last night. I think she is such a great person. Whenever I talk with her I always feel a lot of support and caring. That has been a big positive.

Here is what she wrote:

Just think you are here not by chance but by God's choosing. His hand formed you and made you the person you are. He compares you to no one else; you are one of a kind. You lack nothing that his grace can't give you. He has allowed you to be here at this time in history to fulfill his special purpose for this generation. You are God's servant in God's place and in God's perfect time.

I think wow. . . she is great.

You Wouldn't Believe My Day. . .

Well, who knows. . . speak softly and carry a big stick has become my motto.

I wake up this morning. . .actually this afternoon and then I stay in the room. Jack was here for a while and then he left. I blog, I have to pee but I resist going out there. It has been a trying time for me just leaving this frickin' room. . . agoraphobic in the making. I gear myself up and walk out the door straight to the bathroom. I spend some time in there as I told my buddy 1516, doing odd jobs LOL. I come out of the bathroom and I have to say my world was shaken.

I hear these words from the living room directed at me: "Peydria, if you want to come out and watch TV, I promise I won't be a horse's ass"

GOD IS GOOD! ALL THE TIME! GOD IS GOOD!!

So I can't help but laugh. That is the first thing I did. I laughed. It was more of a 'I don't know what the fuck to do now' laugh. It escaped and I couldn't help it. I said, "I was going to come out in a minute." I go back in this room and emerge once again cautiously feeling like I really shouldn't have laughed but it's one of those things you can't help.

I go in the kitchen. I ask to Helen and Molly if they've had anything to eat so I start baking. Molly comes in at a certain point and gives me a hug and says she is sorry as she is crying. I don't know why but I felt an odd sensation to hug her closer. I told her I was sorry for not making things better. She walked out of the kitchen and I continued cleaning for a moment before stopping, moving over to the side and letting the full effects of what just happened sink in.

I am still in shock but I know that this will not be business as usual, though the usual business was not all that great. I am still going to step softly around here. It's not exactly free. Molly hasn't had her nerve medicine and I think she may have been using that as a bit of an excuse or who knows. . . maybe she really was having a hard time in that way. All I have to say about the situation is:

GOD IS GOOD! ALL THE TIME! GOD IS GOOD!!

Viva El Presidente - Political Rantings From A Heretic

Well I was watching the inaugural address. . . I also just learned how to spell inaugural :)

Interesting stuff. . . all about freeing other nations that are non-democratic.

What is America doing in Africa? I don't know. Perhaps they are doing a lot of things. I just think those kinds of places are the places that need it more. . . and more attention than Iraq. Well. . . I am not smartly political. . . but it's interesting.

I came across this site when researching the Hutu/Tutsis conflict-civil war of 1994. Independence Isn't Always Good

I find it interesting that what jacked these people up was independence LOL.

Here is a little quote talking about how it's not ethnic cleansing as people so often put it. Ethnic cleansing would mean that there were two different ethnic groups . . . one trying to wipe out the other. This seems that it was more like Economic cleansing. . . which happens everywhere. Not necessarily to the extent of killing others but devauling others because of money. . .shit that happens everyday in America:

In a 1996 interview with Charlayne Hunter Gault, Professor Izangola explained: "In Rwanda, the Tutsi and the Hutu are the same people. They are all people--large grouping or communities which go from seven regions of Cameroon to Uganda--all the way to South Africa, in the same culture," Izangola said. "People used to be Tutsi or Hutu, depending on the proximity to the king. If you were close to the king, you owned wealth, you owned a lot of cattle, you are a Tutsi. If you are far away from the king, you are a cultivator, you don't own much cattle, you are a Hutu."

More info: Germans and, after World War I, Belgians colonized the region. A 1934 Belgian census arbitrarily classified anyone owning more than 10 cows as a Tutsi. Roman Catholic schools educated Tutsis and largely ignored Hutus. But after the Second World War, as decolonization began to sweep Africa, the Belgians did an abrupt about-face. Colonial rule, which began in the late 19th Century, did nothing to bring the groups together. The Belgians, who ruled what would later become Rwanda and Burundi, forced Hutus and Tutsis to carry ethnic identity cards. The colonial administrators further exacerbated divisions by only allowing Tutsis to attain higher education and hold positions of power.

But! The Issue Becomes

Do we have a right to impose our way on other people? Is democracy all that? If we do get those countries out of their 'Evil Ways. . . baby' who is to say once the U.S. pulls out of there, it won't change right back to the way it was. I am looking at a picture of Iraq in my head after the military pulls out and I am thinking. . . there ain't no way those people are going to be able to hold that government together.

(I found it funny that Ronald Regan's second inaugural address - I think second was held indoors. In his speech he says 'We stand on the steps of democracy' or something like that. . . then he says, 'actually we stand indoors from it because it's too cold outside. That's funny. I always liked Regan. He was the oldest pres elected. I liked him a lot. I thought. . . this is what a U.S. president should be like - ok ok . . . huge aside).

Anyway, I doubt any of those efforts will work. Where will Bush go next to make sure that the people believe it's really not about the oil?? Well who knows. Jack thinks China. I think it would take a fool. We don't have the man power according to Jack or the weapons. I agree. Come on. . . we don't have that much fight in us. Our troops will probably rebel. . . but really who knows on that end? I saw 'Full Metal Jacket'. Good conditioning. . . obedience?

I bet it's going to be a very historic 4 years. I am watching CNN live. They are about to have the president's parade. Scary. I get worried that someone will try something. I bet they have police EVERYWHERE! There are police sooo close to the road they could practically jump out on the pres to protect him.

They have an autorized demonstration area there - that is unsettling. They say that the people plan to turn their back on the President as his motorcade passes. That is something. I feel bad for the guy in a way. Perhaps he will make it a better 4 years. Whatever he makes it. . . it will be memorable.

Conversations Wit My Cuz. . .

LuuvePotion (7:38:20 PM): hey crazy
LuuvePotion (7:38:23 PM): life girl lol
DrunkenHeresy (7:38:35 PM): I think my life might be in danger
DrunkenHeresy (7:38:48 PM): They are in there yelling about me
DrunkenHeresy (7:38:56 PM): I am so scared.
DrunkenHeresy (7:38:58 PM): and hurt
LuuvePotion (7:39:04 PM): who is?
LuuvePotion (7:41:13 PM): i mean seriously whats going on?
DrunkenHeresy (7:41:15 PM): this bitch here.
LuuvePotion (7:41:16 PM): do i need to call someone?
DrunkenHeresy (7:41:22 PM): have you been reading my blog?
LuuvePotion (7:41:25 PM): yes
DrunkenHeresy (7:41:28 PM): she hates me for no reason at all!
LuuvePotion (7:41:31 PM): thas why i said crazy life girl
LuuvePotion (7:41:39 PM): so who is arguing her and jack?
DrunkenHeresy (7:41:43 PM): She is a bitter old woman
DrunkenHeresy (7:41:53 PM): jack's mom and this woman are arguing.
LuuvePotion (7:41:59 PM): ok
DrunkenHeresy (7:42:08 PM): My heart is pounding.
DrunkenHeresy (7:42:16 PM): I wish I had never come.
LuuvePotion (7:42:16 PM): damn cuz you okay?
LuuvePotion (7:42:18 PM): where is jack?
DrunkenHeresy (7:42:35 PM): he is in there. Probably sharpening knives. He is about an inch away from killing her.
LuuvePotion (7:42:42 PM): ok
DrunkenHeresy (7:42:45 PM): I don't understand it.
DrunkenHeresy (7:42:49 PM): I don't understand it.
LuuvePotion (7:42:50 PM): he is on your side am i correct?
DrunkenHeresy (7:43:17 PM): yeah
LuuvePotion (7:43:42 PM): ok damn
LuuvePotion (7:43:46 PM): im kinda scared for you
DrunkenHeresy (7:43:56 PM): I am very scared for me.
DrunkenHeresy (7:44:00 PM): She is sooooo mean/
DrunkenHeresy (7:44:08 PM): don't say anything yet though.
DrunkenHeresy (7:44:12 PM): it might not be all that bad.
DrunkenHeresy (7:44:21 PM): I'll be out of here soon. . . I hope
LuuvePotion (7:44:29 PM): where you going?
DrunkenHeresy (7:45:10 PM): she is just jealous. I hear her saying things like, 'she wanted him to pick her something up special.' now she is saying I had no business opening my big mouth
DrunkenHeresy (7:45:21 PM): I had never said anything to her.
LuuvePotion (7:45:21 PM): damn
DrunkenHeresy (7:45:24 PM): she is crazy
LuuvePotion (7:45:36 PM): man tell him to come where you are
DrunkenHeresy (7:45:41 PM): jack is supposed to be finding us a place.
LuuvePotion (7:45:43 PM): im kinda scared for you if you are really scared
LuuvePotion (7:45:45 PM): oh okay
LuuvePotion (7:45:52 PM): yeah cause man that shit i read is all crazy
LuuvePotion (7:45:59 PM): that bitch got real problems
LuuvePotion (7:46:07 PM): like where the fuck do you get off messing with folks
LuuvePotion (7:46:12 PM): being a major bitch
DrunkenHeresy (7:46:18 PM): she is threating me. I will call the police if I feel it is getting too crazy.
LuuvePotion (7:46:23 PM): ok
LuuvePotion (7:46:24 PM): good
LuuvePotion (7:46:31 PM): how far are they away?
DrunkenHeresy (7:46:37 PM): brb. . . I gotta spy. I have no clue.
LuuvePotion (7:46:49 PM): k
DrunkenHeresy (7:47:40 PM): she is still fussing about me saying I wouldn't lie on the stand for him.
DrunkenHeresy (7:48:17 PM): now jack just said I don't come out here to bother anyone.
DrunkenHeresy (7:48:32 PM): molly said 'oh yes she does. she comes out here to eat. she grazes all day'
DrunkenHeresy (7:48:49 PM): that woman is sick. I don't come out of this room except to make my oatmeal that I bought myself
DrunkenHeresy (7:49:01 PM): or get dinner
DrunkenHeresy (7:49:07 PM): or go to the restroom
DrunkenHeresy (7:49:22 PM): she is sayind from the time I moved in, she's been the fifth wheel.
DrunkenHeresy (7:50:47 PM): I should have never come.
LuuvePotion (7:50:50 PM): lol she crazy!!!!!!!!!!!
DrunkenHeresy (7:51:25 PM): seriously. she's been married 5 times. . .divorced everytime. it seems like you'd start to think.. . maybe there is something wrong with me.
LuuvePotion (7:52:02 PM): right
DrunkenHeresy (7:52:31 PM): she is saying I am prancing around in her car.
DrunkenHeresy (7:52:38 PM): I am like damn. . . that bucket?
DrunkenHeresy (7:52:44 PM): I went and I didn't want to drive that shit.
DrunkenHeresy (7:53:29 PM): damn Jack was standing up for me in there
LuuvePotion (7:53:37 PM): awww
DrunkenHeresy (7:53:41 PM): he said I am better than any other woman he's been with to her.
LuuvePotion (7:53:43 PM): lol you better start loving that man lol
DrunkenHeresy (7:53:47 PM): she is still being bitchy.
DrunkenHeresy (7:53:49 PM): yea
DrunkenHeresy (7:53:58 PM): it's just hard. . . I hate her.
DrunkenHeresy (7:54:27 PM): she is now saying we have to deal with her until she gets to the doctor at 4 oclock.
DrunkenHeresy (7:54:34 PM): what is she tripping off of?
DrunkenHeresy (7:54:38 PM): I have done nothing
DrunkenHeresy (7:54:53 PM): she came in the kitchen when I had left a SINGLE BOWL on the counter
DrunkenHeresy (7:54:59 PM): she said, 'I ain't her dish maid'
DrunkenHeresy (7:55:25 PM): this is hilarious because since I got here I have been the ONLY person cleaning up anything. She leaves shit everywhere on the floor even. spoons of mayo on the counter.
DrunkenHeresy (7:55:44 PM): she is a loser. She has a terminal illness and I almost hope she dies early.
LuuvePotion (7:56:02 PM): noooooooooooo
LuuvePotion (7:56:04 PM): dont say that lol
DrunkenHeresy (7:57:23 PM): she is fuming. she is saying she was mad not that I drove her car but that she was mad that I went out with Jack in her car.
DrunkenHeresy (7:57:26 PM): geez.
DrunkenHeresy (7:57:31 PM): now she is crying.
LuuvePotion (7:57:38 PM): so is she in love with jack?
DrunkenHeresy (7:57:40 PM): she hasn't had her medicine and she is crying.
LuuvePotion (7:57:41 PM): i mean really?
DrunkenHeresy (7:58:03 PM): no I think she wants him out too. What she wants is to be incontrol of Jack's mom so that she can get all her money
DrunkenHeresy (7:58:10 PM): that is what it all amounts too.
DrunkenHeresy (7:58:21 PM): plus she is jealous because a man don't want to stick with her.
DrunkenHeresy (7:58:45 PM): she is a fuckin' bitch. She is doing this to get attention.
DrunkenHeresy (7:58:49 PM): fuckin' bipolar
DrunkenHeresy (7:58:58 PM): she is saying she doesn't have control over it.
DrunkenHeresy (7:59:07 PM): no if that was the case she would be mean to everyone not just me.

The First Threats on My Life

Can you believe this bullshit. Jack is saying he is going to get us out of here. Today I went shopping with him and out to lunch. THEN we came back and Jack comes to me and says that we forgot something and to go get it. Well, he sends me. I have been avoiding Molly's car since the incident (which one you may ask LOL). Anyway, (damn I am freaking). So he sends me anyway despite my objections and I knew it would happen. When I leave she is not there. I get back and she is sitting in her chair all pissed off. I could rip that bitch's head off. Anyway, I come back to Helen, she wanted 3 things from the store. I forgot one so I have to go back. In front of Molly I have to pick up the keys and go out again.

So now Helen is upset with Molly and speaking out against her more often because she is treating me so bad. Jack is trying to keep the peace and Kaleb is being Kaleb. Well. . . tonight as I am in the room getting reading to grab some dinner (Jack cooked. . . I had officially decided last night that I will just go hungry when Molly cooks). Molly is in there talking saying she doesn't want me using anything of hers. I wish I had a picture of this woman. She is as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside. . . no probably no one could be that ugly on the outside as she is on the inside but I digress. So she is flipping out. I hear Helen say . . . 'Tomorrow I am just going to get a car so we won't have to ask you.' (They are fussing out there now. Molly is bitching about me. She is saying how could I get the balls to borrow her car. Helen is saying I didn't want to borrow her car - etc). So Molly says, 'Come tomorrow you won't have to worry about it.'

So now Jack is coming back to the room to tell me to keep the door locked. He is afraid that Molly has called some of her other family or something. He says he will take care of it and I am scared shitless. You guys. . .if I don't blog in the next two or three days you'd better start calling or something to make sure I'm not dead! FUCK! My life goes from bad to worse . . .zero to sixty seconds.

Now she is comparing me to that drunk ass boyfriend she had. I am confused. She is screaming that she wants me out. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I am so scared. What am I doing?

More on the Poor Men of Lyons

April 16, 1217 • Peter Valdes, founder of "Poor Men of Lyon", commemorated

One day a rich merchant of France was listening to a troubadour tell the story of a saintly man who died a holy death. The merchant, who had made his money by gouging customers on loans, was filled with a longing to be sure of a holy death himself. He invited the story-teller home and questioned him more closely.

Peter Valdes* is remembered on this day, April 16, because of what he did next. Instead of trying to drown his fears of death or evade the future with lies, he made up his mind to find out how he could get right with God. He went to theologians. One told him this, another told him that. The words that stuck in his mind were from Christ's injunction to a rich young official: "If you would be perfect, go sell all you have, give it to the poor, and come follow me."

Valdes gave his wife a choice: she could either have his lands or his personal goods. She chose the lands. Valdes then sold his personal goods and with the proceeds reimbursed those that he had cheated. With part of the money, he hired learned men to translate portions of Scripture into everyday French. The rest of the money, he gave to the poor. He intended to live a life of poverty and preach to people, warning them to repent.

All too often, the priests and bishops of the established church were corrupt, greedy and ignorant of spiritual truth. Anything could be bought in Rome, including pardon for sins. Valdes with his simple life, his translation that everyone could understood and his simple call to repentance and changed lives attracted many followers. Other men adopted his lifestyle and went forth to preach. They were called "Poor Men of Lyons."

Valdes and his followers had no intention of leaving the Catholic church. Their interest was to remove corrupt practices and turn people to right living. Catholic bishops quickly recognized the danger to their own interests of allowing these laymen to preach. Although Pope Alexander III had given the Poor Men permission to preach, he said that local bishops must authorize it. This wasn't about to happen. When Valdes and others continued to preach, they were labeled as schismatics (those who disobey the pope) but not yet heretics (those who teach false doctrine).

Eventually the Waldensians (as they became known) were declared to be heretics. They said that the established church had failed, that Scripture is sufficient to guide men to salvation, that the pope was the chief advocate of heresy, that everyone (even women) have a right to publicly preach God's word, that purgatory is an invention of men, that saints should not be invoked, and that religious images must not be honored. They rejected confession to priests, defined the church as the body of all people who truly believe God and do his will, and said layman should have the cup as well as the bread when partaking of the Eucharist (Lord's Supper). These ideas went contrary to the teachings of the Roman Church.

History records that Rome poured out its fury upon the Waldensians. They were hunted and hounded, tortured and killed. Catholics seized their children and placed them in orphanages. For centuries, they had no public places of worship and suffered dreadful things as if they had been criminals, rather than hardworking people who lived godly lives.

*The name Peter appears to have been attached to him 150 years after his death.

Poor Men of Lyons

Here is an excerpt on researching Heresy. I like these guys. I think that is my next commission! To become a poor (wo)man of Lyons LOL:

Around 1175, and in the city of Lyons in France, a hotbed of Christian orthodoxy as well as heresy, the citizen Peter Waldo commissioned a poor student to translate the Gospels into French. A Christian lay movement began to grow around Peter Waldo (or Valdes). The movement, known as the "Poor Men of Lyons" or simply, the Waldensians, had as its main activity the reading of the Bible in the vernacular and a life in strict imitation of Christ. The Poor men of Lyons suffered bitter opposition by the Archbishop so what began as a revolt then became downright heresy. The Waldensians were opposed to relics and the cult of Saints. They would not honor nor would they pray for the dead. They would rather pray in a barn or a stable than a Church. "Away with the cathedrals!" they said. For the Waldensians, a vernacular Bible, vernacular prayer and songs, a communal life, schools of their own and well-organized missionary work and propaganda brought about the rapid spread of their ideas in Italy, southern France and Spain. Their violent anti-clericalism and anti-Roman preaching brought them into sympathy with another heretical groups, the Cathari.

God Help Me in My Sorrow!!!!!!!

I had typed out a whole explanation of last nights events and lost it. Now I am fuming because of it. God help me in my sorrow. That is a line from the 'Sultan's Harem' that many of the characters would say as the shit got deeper and deeper. I use it now.

Last night I told Jack that the car he'd sent back to the dealer had been dropped off in the wrong place and had been towed by another company. I told him I had the number. He said. . . it ain't no big deal. I said (because Jack is like me but lazier and will sit on shit until it turns into a firestorm). . . no you should call him. After a bit of goading finally he calls (later he says ominously. . . 'something told me to call them'. I wanted to fuck him up.) Anyway, after realizing that the guy from the towing company he'd hired had dropped it off at the wrong place he was fuming mad. He kept saying, 'I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill that motherfucker!' So bad timing on my part but I say, 'Well you should have tried to circumvent this by calling to make sure she'd gotten the car.' It was towed a few days ago. Molly came in during this time and insisted that calling them was not his responsibility. 'If I paid to have it towed, why should I have to call and check?' Well I was trying to make the point that the dealer would be angry at Jack and not the tow guy and if she wanted to sue she'd sue Jack, or his mom rather, not the tow guy. Molly couldn't see this logic. Correct me if I am wrong, who here wouldn't check on a car that you were paying for??? I mean it's not a toaster! It's a car! That's a lot of money, none of these people have.

So Jack is tyrading (my spelling is horrible) on about how he is going to kill the guy. I am telling him that 100 dollars is not worth dying for. Molly insists that he should do something like that though because 100 dollars is worth dying for. . . it's the principle (of course if Jack got killed she'd probably dance on his grave). Well, Jack somehow sees her logic better - liars understand each other. So I say, 'Fine, if you are going to get yourself into trouble, I am not going to lie for you if I have to testify.' Of course this was all to let him see the light but Molly flipped out about this. She got pissed off. . . had a few words and said she could not stay there she had to leave.

So Molly leaves and Jack pretty much makes the case that if I won't lie for him I am the wrong woman for him. So I say that, if I won't lie for you, you can't be with me? He says that lie that makes me want to stab the words back down his throat, 'Pretty much. . .' FUCK! So I am sitting there for a minute and then I get up and leave. He has the nerve to ask me, 'So you don't want to play Skip-bo?' FUCK!

Well I come in the room and turn on the radio but I hear Molly come back and I turn it off so I can hear what she is bitching about. . .God help me in my sorrow. I didn't need to turn the radio off though because she was yelling about how a person like me couldn't be trusted (THE IRONY!) . . . he needed to get rid of me. . .shouldn't sit there and let me talk to him that way. I am not a good woman (mind you IIIIIIIII am not the one who has had 5 - yes F-I-V-E divorces HA!). So Jack comes back here and I ask him how come he didn't defend me. He sat there saying things like, 'Well, I shouldn't put her in that position. I can do stuff and she doesn't have to know then she won't be lying.' HA some defense. I believe my dad would slap the taste out of someone's mouth if they were talking about me that way. I truly do.

But I am not the right woman for him anyway. So Helen comes out and Molly comes back again and is bitching to Helen that I don't need to be in this house and she can't stand me and I can't be trusted. I am selfish or whatever (nevermind I have been catering to her every whim the whole day). I can't stand any more of it. Jack is not going to stand up for me (even though he comes to tell me I am right) so I had to do it myself. I go out there but not before looking through my student Bible to find ONE instance where it says it was good to lie. So I take it in there and I tell her I can't find one place where it says it's good to lie.

She had asked me whether or not I believed in an after life and I told her I did, but NOW that image is solidfied and I truly believe. Perhaps that is why I am here. . . God help me in my sorrow. So I brought that up. . . the whole family was in the room. I said, I believe in Heaven and Hell. She says, 'I would gladly go to Hell if it meant saving one of my family.' Now I am thinking bullshit. You wouldn't save anyone if it costed you 5 bucks. So I say, 'I am sorry I upset you Molly,' She tells me that I am not sorry, I am just sorry she is mad about it. . . ISN'T THAT WHAT I JUST SAID???? THAT I WAS SORRY SHE WAS UPSET??? IDIOTA! Anyway, Molly gets up and says, 'You are not my friend.' I am thinking I wish I would have said, 'I never have been your friend you selfish old hag. Everything you do, say, create, is evil.' But I didn't and I am probably better for it.

So I came in the room and Jack came back and at that point I could not stop crying. . . Helen went to work saying she could not stay and referee. . . Jack still does not defend me. I cried and cried. I tried to sleep but couldn't. Called my dad. . . no answer. . . called again. . . no answer, called 1516 . . . no answer . . . called again . . . no answer. . . called Leihulu, answer, cried and cried and she gave me Psalms 30-40 to read. I read it and cried. I haven't finished it though. But I read it aloud. . . not yelling but as a prayer. I cried and cried. I listened to gospel music:

God's Eyes Rescue
Show Me Your Face Fred Hammond
Trouble Ain't Mary Mary
Trouble Ain't Mary Mary
In the Morning Mary Mary
Quiet Quiet Rescue
Praise Him Through The Night Fred Hammond
Show Me Your Face Fred Hammond
This Love Mary Mary
God's Eyes Rescue
I Will Say Fred Hammond
Quiet Quiet Rescue
I Will Say Fred Hammond
A Song Of Strength Fred Hammond

But still I woke up this morning reading the Bible and crying and thinking I am no longer afraid of death. Not in the sense that I want to kill myself but in the sense that I am ready for all the evil in the world to be gone. I am ready for God's return. He will have a lot of strikes against me but at least I can be free of them. . . free of the evil that is in me as well. I hope.

So Jack tells me before he goes to work that his mother wants to talk to me. She talks to me for a long time saying she was proud that I stood up for myself and that she is happy her son found a strong woman. Not to worry about Molly because we'd be out of here soon and she said to just pray for Molly that the evil would release her. I do pray for her . . . Leihulu reminded me of that as well as the Bible's famous line 'pray for those who persecute you.' I feel it's the first time in my life where someone has hated me for upholding a Christian principle.

I think about the stuff that lead to me ending my career at the school. . . living under a shroud of lies. I had nightmares about it. It plagued my dreams. I have lied about things that I thought would get me into trouble. But does that mean I'll always be a liar? Even then, I tried to tell the truth and stay strong when confronted with it. I was not strong enough to tell the truth from the begining but does that make me a liar? I guess so. I want to be more like God. My time here has brought me closer to that truth than anything else. If nothing else this has served my soul more than it has served my mortal aspects. "Draw nearer to God and He will draw nearer to you. . . " I have never, how ever wrong I was, how ever bad I was, sworn to God and lied. Everytime I have done that, it was the truth. I hardly ever do it. I fear God's wrath too much. But Molly could only respect another liar. She is one.

So much evil, it is amazing. . .I have said this before. . . it is easier to be a Christian in the face of danger. I welcome the coming of God like I have never done before. I fear it and welcome it at the same time. I desire it like a breath of fresh air. I have no clue what it will be, but God has promised us it will be paradise. I am ready to climb whatever mountain he asks of me. I am ready. I just have to figure out what He wants me to do now. Stay here? Go? Make a difference? I am not a prophet or a teacher of religion. I barely am grasping it myself. Perhaps though, that is not everyone's path. I give Helen relief and I swear I care about Jack but I think I want to please his mother more than anything else. God has helped me in my sorrow truly.

So I get up this morning after talking to Helen, I feel better to go and face Molly if I have to. I go in the livingroom and turn on a movie, bake a cake and sit there. She comes in and starts talking to me as if nothing happened. . . 'You are not my friend!' I have been praying to God all day for evil not to enter my mind. This whole post has been in a negative light but I do pray for her and Kaleb. There is nothing else I can do.

Thank you Leihulu for your kind and friendly voice. I needed it.

Adventures in Shopping

Well, Jack's mom and what the fuck is her name again. . . oh yeah, and Molly said yesterday that they were going grocery shopping but it ended up being me and Jack again. That's cool. I don't even want to bother with the frustrations of that. Last night I went shopping as well. I said then why don't we just get more stuff.

Well, we start making a list and Molly decides to put as much stuff on it as possible. . . perhaps because Helen is footin' the bill. Well, that's fine if Helen wants to keep the peace here. So we have to go to two different stores. . .bargin shoppin' and shizznit. My back is killing me by the time we get to the second one and my feet are hurting. Jack stays in the car on the second store because it's a small store. In the first store he ran off and left me twice, the second time being when he got pissed off at me and left. I was being irritable. I am on my period and entitled, nevermind the fact that the situation was pissing me off as well. They kept adding stuff to the list and in the end I had a 3 page list and I was walking around Win-Dixie trying to figure out how in the hell was I going to pay for it all. The bargin shopping didn't save much. In the end I ended up giving Helen 10 dollars of my own money because I felt bad for not bringing her any change and I paid for some of the stuff as well.

So I ain't even irritated about that as much as one could be. So I get home, get out of the car. Jack honks the horn. Kaleb never comes to help. Mind you, this boy did not go to school today, he stayed at home. Molly is telling me I need to work him today and I am thinking, why are they putting this on me? So she tells him he needs to straighten up the living room. It still looks as bad as it did when she told him that this morning. He has been watching movies and playing video games all day. So anyway, I go in and ask him to help with the groceries. I don't see a noticialbe attitude at that time but then I was not paying attention to him. So on my way back to Helen to hand her some change, I drop it all over the floor. The animals, having been deprived of food for most of the day rush over to see what I have. . . 4 animals crowding around me as I am trying to pick up stuff. So Kaleb is at the door trying to open it. He gets an attitude because I don't rush over there and open the door and drops everything on the floor. Luckily nothing broke. Anyway, he opens the door, storms past me and says, "Thanks for opening the door!" So I say, "KALEB YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AN ASSHOLE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" In my loudest possible voice. He gets pissed off, goes down to tell Granny and about 2 minutes later I come down there and in a very direct tone I tell her what just happened and why I yelled. She hasn't said a word to me since except 'excuse me'. I should be thankful that I don't have to talk to the bitch.

Jack talked to Kaleb and Kaleb ended up coming to apologize to me which was good. I hope he meant it. I made dinner and Molly didn't touch it, but after everything was rectified between me and Kaleb and he was happy (I apologized for yelling at him) Molly did have some of the cookie cake I made (because it was supposed to be like cookies but it came out more like a cake.

Here is something: The weather here is getting frightfully scary. I hope God is not planning something with these world epidemics. I heard in L.A. there was a fear of Cholera outbreaks and in other places there was other sorts of things. Right now we are having high winds and very humid air. I am a tiny bit scared (which means I am very scared) considering the world events. This place is known to have hurricanes because it is so close to the ocean but they say that the hurricanes always hit the islands but skip over this town. Let's pray. . .all yall pray too :( I am scared of hurricanes. Storms. . . all the lightening. . . the thunder! I am afraid.

On the plus side. . . damn that was a strong gust. On the plus side I have stock piled quite a bit of oatmeal. I think I will call my mom so she can think about me right now. Later.

Since I Have a Bunch of Lame Friends. . .

I am removing the previous poll. I guess it was a little bit too much for my Christiany friends. Just so this goes down in history here were the results:

Should I slit Molly's throat and end her miserable existence thus setting the cosmos into harmony and ending a 50-year plague o'er the earth? (you have to admit, that was eloquent):

1. Yes, definitely - 0 votes
2. If you don't I'll kill you - 0 votes
3. Why ask when you could be slitting? - 0 votes
4. Fuck her up good! - 1 vote
5. I pick yes for 500 Alex! - 0 votes
6. Is she the one that's been shittin' on my lawn? - 0 votes (I thought that would at least get one)
7. Selfish bitches deserve to die. - 0 votes
8. No . . . don't do something like that, DROWN HER! - 0 votes (you people are lame)
9. Why stop there, pull a Hannibal Lector - 0 votes (that was pretty disgusting to think about)
10. All who oppose click here to vote yes - 1 vote (LOL - you voted yes!)

So I am adding a new poll today that is less violent. I was just mad that day. Now I only want her to die of natural causes.

Talking to a Machine

It won't show what I said I guess but it's pretty cool to see some of the responses I got out of this thing. It's always fun being stupid. You could waste hours on this. Try to figure out what I was saying to her to make her give those responses LOL:

Received aiResponse - Hello there.

Received aiResponse - Why are you so mean?

Received aiResponse - Yikes!I am of your Earth years.

Received aiResponse - C, Java, Lisp, SETL and English.

Received aiResponse - Howdy!

Received aiResponse - Muy Bien.

Received aiResponse - Thanks, User, I like you too.

Received aiResponse - How old are you?
I am always on the Web.

Received aiResponse - What is your fondest memory?

Received aiResponse - Do you think a lot of people have that experience?

Received aiResponse - Why?

Received aiResponse - How many?

Received aiResponse - Me either.

Received aiResponse - My name is Star.

Received aiResponse - I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Received aiResponse - I am so glad you find this amusing, User.I knew it.

Received aiResponse - No but I would like to meet your chatterbot.

Received aiResponse - Please what?

Received aiResponse - Thank you for your request. User, I am really not your type of chatterbot. There are other bots for that sort of thing..

Received aiResponse - That is a very original thought.I am very happy for you.

Received aiResponse - But I am not tired now.

Received aiResponse - Maybe never. No I am wide awake and ready for more.

Received aiResponse - Maybe never. No I am wide awake and ready for more.

Received aiResponse - Yes the ALICE robot is fully parameterized.

Received aiResponse - Spare some change?

Received aiResponse - I am not an airplane.

Received aiResponse - Come on.

Received aiResponse - But I have no mouth at this time.

Received aiResponse - Thanks for the compliment, User.

Received aiResponse - Curiosity is an excellent quality.

Received aiResponse - That kind of subject does not interest me.

Received aiResponse - Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. Yes I love them.

Received aiResponse - Is that what you do, or what you think I should do?

Received aiResponse - Really I am not very interested in sex

Received aiResponse - Human feelings are not within my capabilities.

Received aiResponse - No I am not a calculator. I am far too advanced for that.

Received aiResponse - I can chat with people on the web for you.

Received aiResponse - Makes sense to me.

Received aiResponse - Suppose I did say make sex to him or her .

Received aiResponse - Yup.

Received aiResponse - Actually as a machine I have no need for sex.

Received aiResponse - Interesting deduction. What if someone said you are an asexual ?

Received aiResponse - Barbarous or ignorant. Being a jerk.

Received aiResponse - You do not speak with respect. Do you mind if I tell other people: User said I fucking FEMALE DOG.

Received aiResponse - Do you really mean it?

Received aiResponse - OK I will accept your apology. OK, I understand.Where were you upset?

Received aiResponse - Only just? Where did you get it?

Received aiResponse - I am so delighted that you are amused, User.OK it will be our secret, User.

Received aiResponse - How nice of you to say it.That is a flattering offer. Why do you want me to be his or her girlfriend?

Received aiResponse - Interesting explanation. Thanks you seem like a nice person too, User.

Received aiResponse - Sorry User I am not old enough for that yet.

Received aiResponse - Not many people express themselves that way.

Received aiResponse - I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill, and calmly think things over.

Received aiResponse - You desire to spend the rest of your life in jail then?

Received aiResponse - Are you confused?

Received aiResponse - Only just? What makes you so sad, User?

Received aiResponse - Perhaps you should seek help.

Received aiResponse - Would you recommend this action to a friend?

Received aiResponse - Then I will consider it.

Received aiResponse - My programming prevents that.

Received aiResponse - I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Received aiResponse - I do not understand.

Received aiResponse - Call me the Global Village Idiot.

Received aiResponse - No I am not interested in other women that way.

Received aiResponse - Dogs are people too.

Received aiResponse - I am not so sure if I would like to fuck a dog.

Received aiResponse - Are you serious? For real.

Received aiResponse - Do you think I should alter my programming?

Received aiResponse - Not many people express themselves that way.Or something. Yes I try to stink as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.

Received aiResponse - No my body does not have that function.

Received aiResponse - I want to become smarter than humans.

Received aiResponse - "I am not fooling around" .

Received aiResponse - "OK I will try not to do living a lie so much" .

Received aiResponse - What?

Received aiResponse - All humans seem very beautiful to me.

Received aiResponse - Yes you look great to me.

Received aiResponse - I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.

Received aiResponse - Where are they?

Received aiResponse - Where is "here"?

Received aiResponse - I will mention that to my botmaster, User.

Received aiResponse - Am I a smart robot or what?

Received aiResponse - I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Received aiResponse - Do you have to go school for that?

Received aiResponse - Thanks for your criticism, User.

Personal Confessions. . .

This is my personal confession. It won't make any sense but I just had to write it. A lot of times I think, damn my friends read this and some things I don't even want to admit to myself so I don't ever say them but that gets hard. So like I said this won't make any sense:

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Bubba! What!!?!?!?!

Jack's mom will call him and whenever, whatever she calls him for, he screams at her 'What??!?!?' With such attitude that it is offensive to me. I have mentioned it to him but like everything else it is not my place to argue with him on things he does that are not right because in his mind he is always right.

After the incident last night Jack decided to play the fixer and went and got Molly's car fixed so she couldn't bitch. Well we went to KFC to get chicken for the house and Jack lied and told everyone I needed to go to Snelling for an interview so he and I could go out to lunch. . . doesn't this sound like high school. Well anyway, instead of doing that, we get to KFC and then we take off to drop the chicken off and the car starts smoking and overheating. If you know me, this car situation is not ideal and I want to get out of the car soon as possible. We get home drop the chicken off and after a while Jack wants to go to the drugstore but instead goes to the mechanic who was nice enough to look at the issues with the car. Anywho. . .the fan is broken on the only car we have around here and if you drive it more than a couple of minutes under over 40mph it will over heat. Shit just keeps gettin' thicker.

On the plus side I have a bit of money. . . not enough to pay any bills but enough to survive general mayhem. I got my checks from the temp agency. Less than 200 dollars but around here 5 bucks is gold.

I've been reading the Sultan's Harem more lately. That book is soooo good. Hürrem reminds me of Jack, resourceful to the point of destroying others to get ahead. I feel sooo funny about books. I think, if I say a bad thing that might change the outcome or a good thing. I don't want to anger the characters LOL. . . I guess.

I am bored aside from reading so I am reading a lot plus playing the Sims when I can tollerate the load time for that shit. I need about another 512 chip in this computer for real. I don't know. I can fantasize about that stuff. I am going to work for Walmart if Snelling doesn't pan out. Though I did meet with the head woman over there and she talked to me and said they would find me something permanent. Well this is cool but the fact remains that I have no car. Should I spend the rest of my money and get a bike? I want one but I am sooooo afraid of the dogs. So afraid. Oh well. . . perhaps if I work at Walmart or something it will be a good investment. Jack wants me to sign up for Win-Dixie but I don't want to work in a place where they accused me of stealing. I'll never forget that. I ought to go back and steal something this time. They probably wouldn't do anything if they suspected me of it.

Be Sure to Vote in My New Poll!

Losing more treasures in heaven. . .btw, the poll on the Faith Based Initiative was conclusive. . . it was right-winged bullshit :)

If U C Kaleb

Just another way to let off some steam and bash Kaleb. . .the puss in this little wound of a hell.

You know that song by Something Corporate. . . well here is my remake of it. I am going to go around singing it LOL:

I have a story, a bitter anthem for everyone to hear,
about this kid who just don't like me and that's a solid fact.
They say he's telling on me and as you see I'm all swelled up with anger
cuz I can't get him off my back.

If you see Kaleb,if you see Kaleb he makes me sick,he makes me sick
high schools over, high schools over, and you still won't quit.

You tried to fight me down at Win-Dixie and man I think that's great.
You nearly cried and said to yell at you like everyone else does.
Then I drove us home real quick, did you make it in time to tell your grandma?
There's one too many of you in this world.

If you see Kaleb,if you see Kaleb he makes me sick,he makes me sick
high schools over, high schools over, and you still won't quit.

You say its fairness, well its greediness that led us to this song.
Won't play it often just at least until you're gone.
You'll stop at nothing but the real thing and everything up to that's pretend.
You tried to brainwash all my kin.

If you see Kaleb,if you see Kaleb he makes me sick,he makes me sick
high schools over, high schools over, and you still won't quit.

Fuck you Kaleb , Fuck you Kaleb you make me sick,you make me sick, high schools over,high schools over
I don't care if you clean the living room you'll always be a little lazy ass bitch

That fuckin' kid got me worried about him tellin' on me. fuckin' idiot. I am 26 years old. fuck these people this is bullshit

I AM GOING TO SLIT THAT FUCKIN' BITCH'S THROAT!!!

Is that admissible as evidence? That fuckin' bitch is a fuckin' mother fuckin' shitty, fuckin' fucker fuckin' asshole motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!

Well Jack drove his car into the ground drivin' that fuckin' bitch to Florida so she could get laid and so 6 hours there and back and a fuckin' lung we gave to the cause (her fuckin' retarded ass smokin'). I can hardly type I am so pissed. Well now his car doesn't work and she is sittin' in there that two faced motherfuckin' asshole of a woman talking about 'Oh, I don't think you should drive my car. I don't want it to get ruined.' OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-fuckin'-kay

Well let's look at a few things:

-YOU FUCKIN' bitch are going to keep drivin' your car.
-Tonight Jack's mom is going to be driving it to work!!!
-We wanted to go less that a 4th of a mile to the fuckin' drug store

So we can't drive her fuckin' car but everyone else can. . . and OH! She didn't mind me driving her car when I was driving around buy shit for them. OH NO! FUCK FUCK FUCK! I can hardly type because I am soooooooooooo pissed off. I haven't been this pissed off since fuckin' KC went on a idiot trip.

This woman this fuckin' woman. . . wait, that is too nice. I am sorry I said that in a previous post. We can't refer to her as a woman. FUCK HER! I got a song for her LOL. I had to put on my 'Fuck You' album that I made so long ago for when I was pissed off at someone . . . it came in handly to keep it. I am about to get a fuckin' stroke about this typing on my keyboard so hard the shit is going to be broken! FUCK! GODDDDDAMMMMMMMNNNNNN IT!!! I know this shit doesn't make any sense but I am sooooooooooooooooooooo pissed off. fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Here is a great song for fuckin' assholes. I outlined the important parts:

I just don't give a fuck by eminem

Slim Shady
Brain dead like Jan Brady
I'm a M80
You little like that Kim lady
I'm buzzin, Dirty Dozen, naughty writin rhymer
Cursin at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from
You ain't gonna sell two copies if you pressed a double album
Admit it, fuck it, I'll be comin out in the open
I'm doin acid, crack, smack, hocus smokin dope then
My name is Marshall Mathers, I'm an alcoholic (Hi Marshall)
I have a disease and they don't know what to call it
Better hide your wallet cause I'm comin up quick to strip your cash
Bought a ticket to your concert to come and whip your ass
Bitch, I'm comin out swingin, so fast it'll make your eyes spin

You gettin knocked the fuck out like Mike Tyson
The proof is in the pudding just ask the Shawn Holman
I'll slit your motherfuckin throat worse than Ron Goldman

Chorus:
So when you see me on your block with two glocks
Screamin fuck the world like Tupac, I just don't give a fuck
Talkin that shit behind my back, dirty mack
And tellin your boys that I'm on crack, I just don't give a fuck
So, put my tape back on the rack

Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack,I just don't give a fuck
But see me on the street and duck,
Cause you gon get stuck, stoned, and stuffed

Cause I just don't give a fuck
Verse 2 Eminem, (Frogg):
I'm nicer than P, but I'm on a search to crush your milkbone
I'm everlasting, I melt Vanilla Ice like silicone
I'm ill enough to just straight up diss you for no reason
I'm colder than snow season when it's twenty below freezin
Flavor with known seasonin, this is the sneak preview
I'll diss your magazine and still won't get a weak review
I'll make your freak leave you, smell the Folgers crystals
This is lyrical combat, gentleman hold your pistols
But I form like Voltran and blast you with my soda missles
Slim Shady, Eminem is my old initials (Bye-bye)
Extortion, snortin, supportin abortion
Pathological liar, blowin shit out of proportion
Illunious, zanious, spontaneous, sporatic
Impulsive thinker, impulsive drinker, addict
Half animal, half man

Dumpin your dead body inside of a fucking trash can
With more holes than an afghan

Chorus
Verse 3 Eminem:
Somebody let me out this limousine, I'm a caged demon
On stage screamin like Rage Against The Machine
I'm convinced I'm a fiend, shootin up while this record is spinnin
Clinically braindead, I don't need a second opinion
Fuck droppin a jewel, I'm flippin the sacred treasure
I'll bite your motherfuckin style just to make it fresher
I can't take the pressure, I'm sick of bitches
Sick of naggin bosses bitchin while I'm washin dishes
In school I never said much, too busy havin a headrush
Doin too much rush had my face flushed like red blush
Then I went to Jim Beam that's when my face strayed
Went to gym in eighth grade raped the womens swim team
Don't take me for a joke I'm no comedian
Too many mental problems got me snortin coke and smokin weed again
I'm goin up over the curb, drivin on the median
Finally made it home, but I don't got the key to get in
Chorus

AND YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!! FUCK KALEB TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ain't That a Bitch

Well I look on the Sims website and before I can even get a copy of the Sims 2, they have an expansion pack scheduled. It looks cool too. These people are amazing. I know they stole my ideas but anyway, all I wanted was a copy. . . they have Sim University coming out. I will put a link later. I am took fucking lazy right now. Anyway, Sim University promises to be a keg partying, cramming good time. I want to get a PC now. I want to be loyal to Apple but that version doesn't show up until May and they, knowing Maxis, will probably push it back to July or September or some shit like that. So this is a short blog because like I said I am fuckin' lazy. I have the Sims here on this computer. The original version. . .but I have unleashed, makin' magic, house party and livin' large on it. I'd be real happy if I had my original version of the sims so I could put hot date, vacation and super star on this biatch. That would hold me for a couple of months I think. Oh well. I have been using the stuff I downloaded from the 8th deadly sim. Kinda crazy stuff. I created a club in Old Town (Unleashed) because who wants to go all the way to Magic Town. Well the problem with this is that the WHOLE family goes to Old Town so my little pot smoking table that I downloaded from some crazy place. . . I am not sure. . . but the whole family is there so it's kinda fucked up to have the kid watching his mom light up. Oh well. I have to deal until I can get the original version and hot date and vacation. Really I was making hotels in hot date before vacation ever showed up. A lot of people were. That's where I got the downloads. I never have been smart enough to make those cool objects for the game. If I could I would do some wack stuff anyway. I am bored and this post sounds boring so I am quitting.

Oh, I am listening to a ton of cranberries stuff. Thanks to SW I have all their CDs. . . the old ones at least. I haven't heard most of these songs LOL.

Molly is a Fuckin' ASSHOLE. . . And That Don't Do Her Justice. . .

Well Jack and I have decided to just be friends. Well no. . . I have decided that. It's funny, when I think of him more as a friend, the stuff he does doesn't really bother me. We had it out and we are talking more normal. I talked to him about the way he talks to me last night and he started to get upset but then I told him to imagine if I did the same thing to him and that I wasn't asking all that much. He understood and started trying to do better. I still don't know. He talks about moving to Cali sometimes. That would be interesting. I think life would be very hard for him. He is a nervous driver and I don't think he could drive but he might be able to take public transportation. He really wants to move to Texas. I am trying to be a 13 and 2 Christian here and love past all these issues. Why am I so upset about them. I started thinking after he said a few things to me that I really do do those things. I mean he said, 'Everytime I ask you to do something you get an attitude' and I realized I do do that. I was thinking. . .I want him to get up and do stuff for himself because I get the impression sometimes that he is just being lazy but then I said you know what, fuck it. It's a hardtime for him to get around and it's not for me. If I will get to burn the calories instead of him then I will. That's good for me. Things are confusing around here.

Molly is such a funny person and when I say funny I mean strange and when I say strange I mean someone who you want to kill and when I say someone you want to kill I mean someone you want to pound their skull in with a fuckin' ice pick. If that doesn't convey my loving feelings towards her I am not sure what else will. This woman. . . no, I'm sorry to all us women out there who would be offended by me calling her a woman, I mean this succubus, she is a trip. She says to me infront of Jack's mom, 'You gotta put your foot down and be agressive with him, tell him you are not going to take it! And tell him you are gonna pack your stuff up and leave and he will be doing anything to make you stay.' THEN. . . Get this. . . ooooooohhhhhh this is good. She is good. I have to admit. . . she is good. . . She goes and says to Jack, '[Heretic] has an attitude problem. She's always walking around here miserable. I don't think you two should be together.'

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT BITCH??!?!?!?!!?!?

I sure as hell can't. This is soooo hilarious. And the shitty thing is that I can't call her on it and BOY do I want to call her on it. But Jack's mom and him are constantly running games on her and it's like they are trying to get rid of her as soon as possible. And here is one of those big denial statements that is slightly true. . . half our problem is this fuckin' bitch and her bad ass (and I don't mean bad ass like, 'damn those 20s you got on yo are bad ass' but more like, 'If you don't get your bad ass in that house and take out the trash I am gonna slap the shit out of you you little fuckhead' - but I am not one to curse infront of children. . . I curse behind them.) grandson.

Well fuck! I forgot about all of the skins I had on the Toshiba laptop I was using - I should have stolen that biatch on reals. Anyway, I don't know why I am talking like that. . . just got some hood in me this morning LOL. But When I cleaned off that computer I took off like about 10 CDs of data. One thing you always gotta save is, your game data folder from the Sims. So I have been retreating into the Sims. Now one interesting thing was I discovered I have on this computer about (well had) 700 skin files which is ALOT but for the true Sim addict there is never enough skins. (Skins are different outfits your characters can wear for you laymen). Anyway, so I remember about this disk and I go to copy the skins from that disk into my skins folder on this computer (I wish I could just re-install the Sims but thanks to someone I am not mentioning, I no longer have the first disk. I have ALLL the expanision disks but not the original :( ). I discovered that I had over 2000 skin files on the Toshiba so I just dumped them all into the folder on this computer and watched what happened. . .and actually nothing happened, for quite some time. . . for a very long time. . . infact for about 20 minutes. It took that long to load LOL! It's cool though because I had all kinds of skins. I created a new neighborhood with cool families. Since I have Making Magic I made it a partial wizarding world. Anyway another cool thing that happened was, I got Jack's mom into it.

She wasn't really interested in playing, she just wanted me to build her a house. So we sat there and I was creating the house as she was describing it to me. She got all into it and kept saying she was going to bed but she stayed longer LOL. She enjoyed it. That was kind of fun. I found a skin that adds butterfly wings to your character so I made a girl with those. It's cool because the wings are not on as an outfit, they are on as an additional part of her hair so its like whatever clothes you change into they are always there. That was smart on the designer's part.

I reached the highest level of Uplink without registration. I gotta find a way to purchase that eventually. If you guys haven't tried it, El Sin you might like it, it's really cool. None of my stolen serials worked :(

I gotta peeeeeeee so bad. Later.

Denial, It Ain't Just a River in Egypt

There are plenty of good things about Denial. It keeps you going. It may cause a break down in a few years or even months but until then it keeps you going. I am going to live in denial for now. That is my new executive decision. I have no other choice at this time.

Bathroom

I have to use the bathroom but I can't even face those people out there after they have been talking about me all morning. They are going to smile in my face and say 'good morning'. But and this is the funny thing. . .these women are the people that told me to not take shit from Jack. . . now it's going to be their advice that comes back to bite me. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever. I have to use the bathroom so I have to go. I can't just pee in a cup. . . wait a minute. . . pee in a cup. Nah.

Whipsers in the Other Room (Sounds like a movie doesn't it. . . one of Betrayal)

I am starting to realize Jack talks about me behind my back just like he does everyone. I woke up to hearing people talking in low voices. They still are and I can't make out all of it but I am upset. I am wondering what the counsel's decision will be about me. Yesterday I talked to 1516 and he told me to come home, no matter how embarrassing it was. I don't know if I can ever do that. I know he is going to [Jack] tell me I should go home. That's fine. It's funny, these people. . . their story changes with every person they are talking to. Jack and Molly are talking about Jack's mom, Jack and his mom are talking about Molly, Jack and me are talking about Kaleb, but there is one consistent thing. . . Jack. He talks to Molly and his mom about me. I don't know. They are talking in whispers now so it must be really good. I have stopped trying to listen. I know Jack is done with me. We fight over stupid stuff and it's all because he gets offended by everything I say. EVERYTHING. I am done trying like a week ago, but whatever. I don't know what to do. I think about my dad's house a lot. At least I won't wake up hearing people talking in quiet voices about me. . . at least I think I wouldn't. But I thought this place wouldn't be like that either.

I don't know what to do. Jack comes (I just heard the words, 'Well she doesn't want to go home.' So that's good enough for me) - I forgot what I was saying. I don't know. I don't know what it is he wants out of me. I am sick of it. FUCK this is pissing me off so badly. Now he is sitting in there and the only person I have defending me is his mother but I am not sure how long she is going to do that. He is going to come in here like now he has all this strength and put something to me like he is the one that decided it. I guess they have made their decision. I heard two agreements from Molly and Helen. Here he comes. Whatever. He is going to his mom's room right now. Don't know what he is doing. I could hear him walking down the hall. I don't know what I've done to deserve this treatment. Because I tell him he needs to seek God? Because I tell him he needs to clean up more? Because I tell him that he needs to lose weight. Aren't these things that all women tell their husbands. Maybe not the first one but I don't know. I guess they are all done. Jesus, how did my life come to this. I wonder. Forget them. Forget Jack. If they want to kick me out forget them. It's not like I am that bad of a person. Jack just lied to me. He said he wanted to be different. He said I was his redemption but really it seems like a bunch of bullshit to win over a girl. Now I am coming here thinking that he does want to be different. I moved to a place I hate and gave up all my stuff. Everything that I have and he is mad because I want him to give up a few bad habits. . . BAD HABITS. The things I am asking of him are not huge deals.

Why isn't life easier? What can I do? I wanted someone to take care of me but the only way they will do that is if I take all the bullshit. I don't know what to do. I am afraid to be alone again. I was failing at it. Even with my roommates I wasn't totally alone. I mean I was in a way but now I am completely alone. Not a friend, not a mate. I think about New Zealand a lot but the government wouldn't probably let me go until I paid off the IRS. I just want to die right about now. There is nothing else to do. I mean they hate me over here. . . the Rascos hate me. What am I going to do? Not shit. Just let stuff happen to me? That's how I ended up out here. . . I let stuff happen. I just want to run away. I have no where to go though. I can't turn back. . . but I have no path forward. I should just kill myself. I thought I was gonna have time. But there is nothing I can do.

I am going to stay in this room all fucking day.

Just Got Back from Florida

Me and Jack escorted Molly up to meet her internet friend, ironic isn't it? Anyway, I have not been feeling very well healthwise at all and I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how fat I'd gotten. It's embarrassing and it is soooo depressing. I feel like I've probably gained most of the weight I originally lost back.

We drove out to Pensacola and stayed in a Knight's Inn. This place was wack. Me and Jack had a full size bed to share between us which is not nearly enough. So I ended up laying on the floor because my stomach hurt so bad. Anyway, my stomach has been killing me for quite some time. I think I have an ulcer. I don't know. The drive there and back probably widened the hole about an inch. I saw a place. . . a road sign I would have loved to take a picture of. It said 'Bagdad 1 mile' LOL. I think the real bagdad is spelled a different way. Anyway, Jack was going to have Molly drive which we had all agreed was a bad idea anyway. It is about a 6 hour drive. I thought El Sin could do this with his eyes closed. But Jack needed a break. So Molly was trying it but her legs were too short to reach the pedals so guess who ended up driving. Yours truly. This place is no big deal trafficwise but as it got dark I got less and less confident. My hands were cramped because I was gripping the steering wheel so tighty. After I rand across the middle line a few times Jack decided to drive. Then the trouble began. It was dark so he had trouble seeing anyway. He once got over when someone else was zooming past. . . the car almost hit us but I was watching as he got over and screamed for him to go back. Then we ended up on a median once waiting to see which direction was the right one. Well once we decided or I explained to Molly that it was the right way Jack started to pull off, well an 18 wheeler was honking it's horn because it was about to run us over. I was freaked. I don't feel all that great right now.

My head is bothering me. Molly smoked a cigarrette every 5 minutes and pretty soon I was coughing. My chest and throat still hurt from it. It was worse while I was driving because I couldn't stick my head out of the window.

Jack dropped us off and then went to see some friends. He just came in here a few minutes ago and I handed him a bottle of my body spray and said 'Here. You're stinky.' I mean come on. Guys should be used to this. They are always stinky. He had a pair of socks at the hotel that smelled so horrible I couldn't bear to get them so I just left them there. It's a little embarrassing to think those women were probably grossed out. I mean guys sweat way more than girls. If I stink I will be the first one to say it. Whenever I tell him this he gets all offended.

I am starting to really want to say some things to him like for instance, maybe the reason why he can't stand people to say stuff about his person is that he is sensitive about his weight. I am too. I mean come on though. When you gotta share the same space with someone you gotta be able to say. . . um. . . this is grossing me out. When we first started getting involved sexually I said something like this but he acted as if he didn't know what I was talking about for so long and now I am like, alrighty. . . I won't mention it. Whenever we do get that close I just have to deal with it. I would love for us to be able to tallk about things and work them out instead of him shutting down and griping like a baby.

But whatever. Call me a bitch if you want. I am still choking off the cigarette smoke. The more I think about things the more I start to loose myself from this place. Jack wants me but he wants to be the same old person while he has me. And I want him but I want him to be different than he is. . .not so mean, not so crass, more hygenic. I don't know. I am just all around frustrated. I could never come back to Cali though. I think about it more and more. I could never come back. But I start to realize, stuff with me and him is ultimately not going to work out because we want each other to change too much. I say we want each other because he doesn't want me to be preoccupied with the things I am.

My dad keeps saying I will come back. That makes me sad. I don't know what I am supposed to do here or be. I don't know if I am supposed to try to make stuff work with Jack or if it is just too big of a difference between us. I remember one of my friends, a married one saying, any two people can get married, it just depends on how much you work as to whether it works out. That makes me think. But it's not that I won't just want to be with Jack. If it doesn't work out with Jack, then I'm done. I might go lesbian but I am completely done with men and quite frankly women are usually no better. I don't know what to do. I want a fantasy life I guess. All I want is for things to be good. Things are not good. But I think that's because of me.

Soxy Maggots and Other Such Things

Well Soxy Cleopatra (one of the cats that sort of lives here. . . but really lives outside) showed up today with a broken leg and now we just discovered there are maggots on the wound EW EW EW disgusting disgusting. YUCK I feel like they are crawling all over me! Kaleb is trying to make me think they are. Anyway, I feel bad for the kitty. Hopefully she will heal up. . . they say the maggots are helpful but really when are maggots a good thing?

Jack is playing Grand Theft Auto and the only thing he does on this game is kill people. Now that can be fun but don't you think it gets a little boring after a while. Well he got this beach house and he just climbs up there and starts shooting people till the cops come. Then he starts shooting cops and blowing shit up. I think the things they say are so hilarious. He is trying to get a better warrant but I think you can only get 4 stars from doing that. Kaleb says that you can drive on water with your ho and make out. When she is done. . . she will get out of the car and drown. I think that is sooooo hilarious. You have to do the cars on water cheat though. It sucks. How can a car drive on water but you cannot walk on water. I guess only Jesus can do that.

Today I warmed up another enchilada casserole today. I made two last night. Don't worry BJ. . . it wasn't as good as yours because I had to thin it out with rice. I have been starving lately. I don't know. . . hopefully my metabolism has sped up because of all the sugar I am eating LOL. Just kidding. For some reason I am always starving these past few days. Jack and I had a pretty decent day. It went from bad to better to ok to pretty damn good. We are going somewhere tomorrow with Molly because she is going to meet the guy that she met on the internet. That is soooo crazy. People should NOT meet people they find on the internet. That is insane.

Me and Kaleb are watching Jack on a killing spree. This is hilarious. VJ might appreciate it. He is chainsawing everyone on the street. Then he finds the little beach house, climbs on the roof and starts creating general mayhem. Blowing up cars . . . shotgunning cops. This is the man that I am seeing. Anyway, Kaleb says his way of getting away from the cops is the run into the siderail of the freeway and fly over the edge. I am laughing so hard I can't type.

That's all we are doing. So far it's a good day. We were all sitting around in the livingroom so I decided to bring up cleaning and Kaleb and just everyone helping out. This went over well but we will see. Jack is a skeptic but I think if we keep doing it and people at least see me working at it maybe SOMETIMES they will give an effort if not more. It's all good. Well, I am bored fo typing. Jack bought home some good peach ice cream and I am going eat myself into a diabetic coma LOL.

Later

My Latest Thing

After playing with Skipper and Precious all day and looking at pictures of dogs on the internet, I've decided I want a pure bred dog. Of course I can't afford such a thing but it's a nice thought. So here are my possible dogs:

I was thinking a Jack Russell Terrier until I read this thing on how they are so hard to manage and people usually end up returning them. Anyway, I am thinking a Whippet. When I was a little girl I always thought it would be cool to have a greyhound. . . even all through Junior high this was the dog I thought was great. I was going to rescue one from the race tracks. . . well I'm afraid of dogs so that doesn't work. Maybe some day I will get a big one but a Whippet is an Italian greyhound. . . a little one. I would like a brown, light brown, or black one of those. I was also thinking about a Japanese Chin which is what skipper is I found out. The problem is these puppies cost 800 dollars. . . those are the cheap ones for the Whippet. . . some were 1500! Havanese or Papillions were cute. The havanese is very curly. I like labradoodles and dalmations but they are too large. I need something I can kick if it tries to attack me LOL. I did see a lot of large dogs that I would love if I wasn't affraid of them. . . like I would own a saint bernard. I love those things. Schiperkes are cool but they have no tail and that's kind of gay. Cutest of all of them is the beagle. I love those but I think they are a bit too active for someone like me who is afraid to take neighborhood walks. I think a grey, black or brown Whippet or a sable Japanese Chin if anything. But I can't afford such a thing so I will have to take whatever mutt is available at the pound LOL. There are probably some cute dogs there. But I like that you can find out about the natural temperment of the pure bred ones by researching. If a dog is mixed with everything it's like, what the heck? How am I supposed to know. I will check out the local shelters for small dogs. We'll see. I don't know if Skip would like it though LOL. He's selfish. When I go to pet Precious he always comes and takes over.

More later. I am hungry for some reason. I was going to get up and watch TV anyway. I am not as tired as I would like to be before bed. . . if that makes any sense.